Coffee Break #59

Hello, hello? Anybody out there? Anyone still here? Oh friends…when I hit “publish” on my March 20th post about my North Carolina family room, I really didn’t intend to disappear for 5+ months. What started as, “I think I’m going to take the rest of the month off,” some how turned into five months away from my camera, my computer, my To Do List, and you my readers. It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t calculated. But it did feel really right. In that time, I chopped off my hair, got back in shape, lost 20 pounds, read a lot of books, crafted for fun, hiked a lot of trails, got a job, and oh…moved my family back to California (for the third time!) So, what now? If there is one thing I’ve learned over the last two years, it’s that I really shouldn’t make big bold proclamations like “I’m back!” unless I truly mean it. So I won’t. But for today, I’m here; and I can’t wait to catch you up on all the life that’s happened behind the blog and what (I think) is coming next for me in this space!

Facing The Truth

I hope you believe me when I say that I really didn’t mean to stop blogging without explanation. Over the last 14 years of being in this space, I have (mostly) alerted you when I was taking a break, moving, etc. I did this because I recognize the loyalty, time, and support you extend to me as readers/followers, and I always wanted you to feel like that loyalty was respected, reciprocated, and (most importantly) appreciated. As a blog reader myself, I have watched soooo many creators just disappear without any explanation. “How can they do that?” I would think. “How does someone just walk away, without a word, from a community that showed up for them day after day, week after week, year after year?”

I certainly can’t speak for every content creator that has either hit pause or walked away entirely. But I can say, for myself, I didn’t publish any new posts or address my absence because I quite literally couldn’t get myself to type a single word. Burn out had been simmering under the surface for a few years now; but boy did I, rather suddenly, slam into a solid brick wall. And much to my frustration and alarm, no amount of pep talks, work flows, goal planners, mini breaks, pivoting, or sheer will was getting me through it.

After about three weeks of sitting (for hours) at the computer with nothing to show for it, I reluctantly gave myself permission to step away with no strings attached, no deadline for return. And once I shed the guilt and got used to not being here, there was a palpable sense of relief and freedom.

There’s a lot to unpack here, and I’m not going to bore you with the months of soul searching, brainstorming, journaling, drawing, conversing, and reflecting I’ve done on my own and with others. What I can say, somewhat surely now, is that at the heart of my “writer’s block” (if that’s what we want to call it, although that term seems wholly insufficient) is an intense lack of desire to do all the things that are now required in order to maintain and grow a successful, thriving online platform.

It took 5 months away to finally acknowledge and accept a truth that I think I’ve quietly known for a long time now: the online content world is (rapidly) evolving and speeding ahead, and I just don’t want to keep up with it anymore.

So…Is This Goodbye?

Over the past few months, I’ve attempted to write several different “farewell posts” of sorts. But they never felt right. Saying goodbye didn’t feel like what I truly wanted either.

While I’m pretty sure I no longer want to blog, regularly, as my full-time job, I also know that I really do want to keep sharing the things I’m doing to our homes. (Because…friends…we just moved into home #11 and there are things I’m dying for you to see!)

I’m such an “all or nothing” kind of gal. In the initial stages of my break, all I could see was returning 100% or not at all. But as the months passed and I continued to toil over “what’s next,” I realized that maybe there can be an in between after all. A place between full time job and not posting at all. Kind of like…a hobby. Like how it all started. When it was fun.

Instead of planning my exit, I began to consider a different way forward…

Can I really go back to writing blog posts in a real, easy, casual way and just ignore all the soul-sucking tasks that got me bogged down in the first place? 

Yes, I think I can.

So…I am not quite ready to make that big “I’m back” proclamation. Because, even assembling this post showed me how rusty I’ve become in the months I’ve been away.

But I am ready to say, “I’m going to keep being here,” sharing what feels good and right (not strategic, calculated, optimized, or good for business). I don’t have a timeframe, and I don’t plan to make a schedule. But I am going to try to carve out a few hours a week to be here chatting about the things I think you mostly want to see. I hope you’ll be here too.

Quick 5 Month Recap

A lot of life has happened in the last 5 months. Here are some quick highlights!

• I chopped my hair off to chin length so that I can no longer pull it back. It’s been quite the adjustment since I now actually have to do my hair. I’ve gotten so many compliments, and I really do love looking a bit more pulled together every day.
• I’ve spent some of my newly-found free time crafting just for me (not to document or post) – doodling, coloring, candle pouring, helping with a local florist. Once you’ve spent so long crafting for work, it’s hard to re-frame it as leisure. That knee-jerk reaction to document and/or monetize was strong the first few months, but I’m starting to get the hang of it now!
• We just moved back to California for the third time. This time, we are living on Camp Pendleton in Oceanside, California. I realize a huge cross-country move, just 10 months after our last move, warrants more than a quick bullet point. Once I’m emotionally and physically recovered, I’ll elaborate more 😉
• Hiking continues to be our family’s happy place. Back in PA and now here in CA, we’ve been able to get in some great family hiking, and I’m continually amazed at what kind of mileage these little boys can handle!
• This school year, my oldest started High School and my youngest is in Kindergarten. Having a foot in both ends of the education spectrum definately takes some logistical and emotional balancing, but we’re getting the hang of this new normal.
• I got a part-time job with a local professional organizing company. I know…I kinda can’t believe it either. But I’m loving being outside my house, interacting with teammates and clients, and helping people reclaim their homes in a very real, concrete way.

Finally, one more thing… In full disclosure, I didn’t take any pictures of our Pennsylvania home before we moved out OR any “before” shots of our new California home upon moving in. Plus, there are still some spaces in our North Carolina home I haven’t showed you. 🤦‍♀️ Putting posts together going forward will be a bit awkward and imperfect by my usual standards, but we’re rolling with it.

Onward, friends! Onward!