Stepping Out of the Silence
For being an “online personality,” I’m actually pretty private. Aside from my carefully and intentionally composed monthly Coffee Break posts, I don’t put much of my personal life online. Even in my personal accounts, I don’t post pictures of my kids, my vacations, my dinners or my workout routines. I don’t share my political views, religious beliefs, or comment on things happening in current events. I prefer to keep these thoughts and feelings close, sharing them only around the dinner table or in intimate conversations with those I know and love the most.
But this week…I found myself part of an online community that was suddenly (and rightfully) speaking out and speaking up. Muting, supporting, listening, sharing, reflecting. And I’ll be honest…I had no idea what to do. My gut reaction was to stay silent, not engage, stay behind my carefully crafted wall because that is how I prefer to operate in the online space. But then as the days passed and I watched and learned and read and prayed…my silence became deafening…even to my own ears.
Interestingly, deciding to speak up was the easier part. Figuring out what precisely to say has been the greater challenge. Posting a black square on my Instagram feed to signal my support felt inauthentic and insufficient, especially since short and catchy quips are not at all how I engage with the online world. And simply saying I am “listening” and “learning” didn’t capture the sadness, fear, ineptitude, worry, disbelief, helplessness, and overwhelm I’m working through in my own heart. I know injustice, disgrace, unfairness, racism and inequality when I see it. I want to show solidarity, reach out my hand, lend an ear, and rally for the cause. I want to better understand my white privilege and (more so) learn how to use it to make lasting change. But the fear of articulating those things imperfectly, insufficiently, and incompletely almost paralyzed me back into silence.
Almost.
Today, I am simply choosing to no longer be silent. I am scrapping my scheduled Coffee Break post to instead stand up, speak up, and be counted among those calling for change. Because I believe #blacklivesmatter
Megan
12 Comments on “Stepping Out of the Silence”
So happy to have found your site and to have read this post, Megan.
I have seen so much of myself as a young military wife in your posts, but back then we did not have the internet and the support it provides.
In this post I also saw myself, wanting to speak up but unable to figure out what to say. Maybe now I can crawl out of my lurker shell and speak up.
I also appreciate your ability to be warm and welcoming, while maintaining healthy boundaries around your personal life!
Well said babe; looking forward to coming home and sharing around the diner table with you and the boys.
Love,
Greg
Megan,
I’m surprised and happy to see your post. Happy because I’m relieved to know that you are another wonderful person participating in the huge task of evolving our current culture of fear to one of more justice and love. A bit surprised because I know you’ve always kept quiet many of your personal opinions and details. I realize that opinions are just that, personal. I too prefer to share with loved ones around the dinner table. It’s scary to put yourself in a vulnerable place, I know, I’m spending a lot of time reflecting and looking for ways to improve my participation.
Sending you lots of love.
beautiful, Megan <3
Love, Love, Love.
And I feel very much as you feel: a white woman aware of some of my privilege and, I know, blind to some of it. Wanting to stand up and make the world a better place and not sure how to do it. Enraged, grieved, aghast, sad, uplifted by the unity of spirit among peaceful protesters, and trying to figure out how I will lend my strengths to making our world a better place for everyone.
Well said, Megan!!!
Let me join in the support for you commenting and taking a stand. It’s second nature to me to be confused about my role in the struggle, also as a white woman of (some) privilege. And as I grow older and wiser, I shake my head at people who feel their biased opinions are wanted and needed out in the world. Not to mention the ones who have no appreciation of the fact almost everything is seen and recorded and archived on the web these days. So a thoughtful, careful voice who admits it’s a struggle to know what to say, while also acknowledging this struggle is small compared to what non-whites face constantly. So bravo to you, and many thanks to Greg for protecting and defending all of us! Aloha.
Thank you.
Well said, Megan. Thank you.
Beautifully written, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you for not remaining silent!
As a white non-American, I never felt like I was personally involved in this issue. But standing on Lafayette Square June 1st my heart broke a little for the pain and anger I felt in the crowd – and got more hopeful seeing the increased crowd, including people of all ages and ethnic backgrounds, Tuesday night, and at so many gatherings small and large since then. In a more practical line, I have been finding lots of resources online, and the DC public library has been one source for this. I know you are near but not in DC itself, but maybe your local library also has collected resources and links. I am somewhat hopeful that the much larger discussion that has been started this time will see results on a political level, but either way it is a wake up call for us to question our own silence and comfort zones.
As a Black woman, I appreciate that you have chosen to speak up! The only way we can reduce anti-Black racism is to do it with allies and those who want a better world.