Oh friends. This one is a biggy, and one I’ve been wanting to explain for a while. But until I had an answer, it didn’t make a whole lot of sense to bring it up. Funny enough, I still don’t quite have an answer, but I felt the need/desire to chat about this here and now anyway. So if you’ve been quietly wondering where all my usual home DIY projects and room makeover updates have gone here on the blog or if you are just curious about the latest in our crazy military life…settle on in for a little story…
An Unexpected Wait
Some of you may remember that last summer, I was “changing the tire” on my attitude toward our current house (a house I don’t particularly like). I was ready to take on projects and finally make this house feel more like our home. And I did! In a span of just a few weeks, I worked on a bunch of projects I had been itching to do; and I was truly on a roll embracing this house and turning it into “something resembling lemonade.” #thisisus
Then last Fall, out of the blue, Greg approached me about applying to a specialized military school. If accepted, it would mean an important and significant career shift for him, but it also meant that we’d move this coming summer AND next summer (our current orders keep us here through summer 2019). This school was not in our “plan,” and I was admittedly a little blind-sided by the proposition. But I understood his desire to go and what it would mean for his career, so I supported his decision to apply and everything that his possible acceptance would imply for our family. And so he submitted his application, and we waited for an answer.
As you might imagine, the realization that we might move an entire year earlier than expected put a hold on my plans to make this house truly work for us. And as temporary and budget-friendly as my ideas are, I was having a really hard time justifying all the hard work and resources necessary to transform this house when we might be leaving it so soon and under such unexpected circumstances. As much as I tried to fight the “it’s not worth it” attitude for you guys, every time I went to start a project, I found about a dozen different ways to put it off. In short: if you’ve been wondering where the house projects and room makeovers are…I haven’t been doing them.
You guys – I’ve told you a million times that I always think it’s worth it. It’s worth it to make a home. It’s worth it to feel at peace. It’s worth it to love your surroundings. No matter the house, no matter for how long…I have always believed it’s worth the effort. I’ve built this entire blog on that premise. But in my deepest of hearts…for the first time ever…I’ve been having a really hard time living it. For those of you who wonder how and why I do it over and over again. For those of you who have written me asking where I find the motivation and drive to decorate when I know it’s all gonna come back down. For those of you who can’t fathom hanging a curtain because it’s not your forever home. I get it. I totally, totally get it. Since September, we truly haven’t known how long we’ll be in this house…and that uncertainly caused me some serious home-making paralysis.
Are we staying or are we going?
In my mind it was so clear: In December, we’ll find out if we are staying or going. If we’re staying, I still have 18 months, and my idea list is a mile long! I’ll dig back in and transform this house in my usual way. If we’re going, we’ll spend the Spring sorting, purging and preparing for another move. Then I’ll have a whole new house to start on.
Well…nothing in the military is ever quick, easy, or straightforward. I should know that by now. After waiting for a yes/no answer for about 4 months…just two days before Christmas we got an answer that we honestly forgot was even possible. We got a “maybe.” Greg was chosen as an “alternate,” which is essentially the military’s term for “wait listed.” Meaning: he gets to go if someone else can’t. So…as of right now, we are not moving…and we don’t think we’re moving…and we probably aren’t moving…but there is still a chance over the next few months that he will get a call and we will go.
In the almost 13 years, we’ve been doing this military family thing…this is a situation we haven’t encountered before. Sure, we’ve done a few short-term, one-year moves. But in those circumstances, we knew we were definitely moving at the end of the year. We’ve never quite been in a position where we don’t know if we’re moving or not.
And can I be completely honest? It’s been really, really hard to sit in the “maybe.” Do I go ahead and install that wallpaper backsplash I’ve been waiting to do? Or sit tight and wait a little longer until we know for sure? Do I finally order the curtain fabric that has been sitting in my cart for months so I can enjoy the curtains while I can? Or should I not even bother at all at this point?
I thought December would bring an answer and I’d either jump back into projects or back into moving boxes. I haven’t been able to do either.
Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
So what now? That’s a great question! One that Greg and I wrestle with pretty much daily. The truth is…we are most likely not moving. But knowing that certainly doesn’t keep the thoughts of “what if we get a call tomorrow?!?!” from taking over my mind every time I start a project! But I’m trying…ever so slowly…to push back against those thoughts.
Why? Because we can’t sit on hold for the next 6 months, waiting for a call that might very well not come. And if I sit on my hands with this house much longer, I will never feel at home and at peace here, whether it’s for the next 6 months or 18. As much as I’ve struggled to live it lately, I still very much believe that making a home is worth it. This home, our time here, how we feel here, the memories we’re making here…they are worth my time and effort.
Not getting an answer was certainly a shock at first. And knowing that we can find out any day that we are indeed moving is a fairly uncomfortable way to live…even for us who take our frequent moves in stride. Over the last month though, I think we’ve both recovered from the shock and have gotten comfortable being uncomfortable with the whole situation. I’m not going to wait 6 more months to start loving this home. I said I have a project list a mile long, and I’m officially getting back to it. I’m not sure I can embrace full on room makeovers until we’re truly “in the clear,” but I’m so so ready to implement some easy and smart changes that will help me love this home a lot more and right away. If they have to come down in 6 months, so be it 🙂
I hate that home projects and house updates pretty much fell off the radar around here, but I hope you understand why. The good news is: I’m finally ready to get back in that car I changed the tires on and get moving once again. This week: I’m papering that kitchen backsplash!!!!
P.S. If you love these graphics, you can download them and more here!Posted In 4 - Military/Moving, California '16, Military Life, Personal Post