Happy Monday, friends and readers. I so wanted to have a holiday home tour ready and up for you today; but alas, it’s not done. And instead of missing another day here on the blog, I kinda just want to have a little heart-to-heart instead. Is that okay? I hope so. I need it. Maybe you do too 🙂
In recent weeks, I feel as though the crazy pace I’ve been keeping since we step foot in Kansas has completely and totally caught up with me. A bunch of tight deadlines, being gone for Thanksgiving, a slew of personal health stuff, and a huge headache on the backend of my blog in recent weeks have all left me drained and in a serious creative funk. It feels like no matter how much I work or how hard I try, I just can’t get on top of the things I want/need to do to make some legitimate forward progress…whether it’s on the house, on the blog, or on our holiday preparations. Projects are feeling laborious instead of fun, and I am having the hardest time getting into the holiday spirit. In a word…I’m tired.
As I was talking to a girlfriend recently about a variety of struggles, I finally admitted to myself that I have every reason to be tired. While the blogging and the parenting and the teaching and the socializing certainly add up, I tend to overlook one really big thing that happened to us this year: we moved our family (halfway) across the country. That’s no small thing. I think because we military families move so much, it becomes easy to downplay the stress of it all. Moving may be routine, and we may have it down to a science; but man is it stressful, and it sure does take a heck of a lot out of you. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Moreover, from the second we arrived, I hit the ground running with projects, a blog overhaul, exploring our new community, getting back to work at the gym, and more. It’s been a crazy 7 months; but when it’s mere months before the trucks are due to come again, you have to act fast. Knowing we’re heading into another move in just 6 more months brings its own stresses. The clock is already counting down.
This year, all of my exhaustion and overwhelm have shown themselves most in our holiday preparations. You guys, I am having the toughest time decorating all out for Christmas. Admittedly, each year I struggle with the clutter and the re-arranging and the glitter (every.where), but I can usually channel my inner elf eventually and pull together a pretty legit holiday home. Like your’s too possibly, my blog and Instagram feeds have been flooded for WEEKS now with one spectacular holiday home tour after another…and boy was I feeling the pressure to decorate my house to the hilt and share it too. But I can’t do it. This year, everything feels so forced and so rushed. I wasn’t liking anything I pulled out or any vignette I created, and the excess clutter and decorating were stressing me out more than it needed to.
I’m learning that for me, the holidays right after a move are the hardest. It feels as though all of our stuff just came out of boxes and I am just getting everything where I like it when it’s time to decorate. Moving everything around and creating more chaos just for holiday decor makes me feel less settled and more anxious. For weeks, I’ve been staring at our Christmas boxes in the garage, willing myself to create some holiday magic. This weekend I finally put them all away and gave myself permission to stop. Stop the decorating, stop the stressing, stop the comparing to other home bloggers who have fabulous holiday homes. Instead of beating myself up for the holiday home I don’t have, I’m choosing to acknowledge the struggle and salvage my holiday season. (I guess this was all my very long-winded way of saying, you probably aren’t going to get a holiday home tour from me this year 😉 )
Here on the blog and in person, I often get comments like “How do you do it?” “How do you accomplish so much?” “How do you handle a move with such ease?” “How do you pull a house together so fast?” Well, this is me…exposed for all to see…that while it may look like I’m handling it all just swell…it all catches up at some point. I can push hard for quite some time, but eventually, I crash. I always do. It’s December 14th and I’ve yet to buy a single Christmas present. We haven’t taken photos for Christmas cards much less sent them out, and we haven’t taken in any of the holiday events and festivities here in KC. And while I am painfully behind on my blog projects for the remainder of the year, I am feeling the need to press the breaks and catch my breath anyway. I don’t want to spend the next few weeks stressing about blog deadlines. Instead, I want to enjoy the holiday season and spend some quality time with my boys while they are on school break (son + husband both have school break!). I need it, and I know it.
Don’t fret, I’m not going away…I’m just going to ease off my usual posting schedule for the remainder of the year. I am planning on checking in at least once a week with few projects I do have in the works, as well as a few end-of-year posts I’m excited to write…so be sure to check in regularly. As always, thank you for reading and for giving me the space to be real. I work so hard on this little corner of mine on the web, and it means the world to me that you spend some of your precious time with me here. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go shopping!